Your Turn....Can you Guess?

When my brother and I were younger, we would make up fun games. He was 5 years younger than me. One day, I thought it would be fun to play 'let's see if we can throw a marble into each other's mouth'. Sounded good to the 12-year old that I was. Of course, I offered to throw first. Wouldn't you know my luck? I got it in the first try, as well as knocked out one of his loose baby teeth. Brownie points, right? No. Both went right down his throat and he started gagging. I told him to stop it before Mom saw and I got into trouble. Fortunately, he got both up, then said, "my turn." I told him that I was tired of this game. 

A McDonald's Confession

I went to Confession and had a fairly young priest. As I started my Confession, he told me that I didn't need to go into the details, but rather just give him the number of the Commandment that I had broken.  I thought this was a unique and less embarrassing approach, for both of us. So, I said, "OK, I'll take 10 #4s, 1 #8, and 2 #10s." I thought that was great. It was just like ordering fast food.

Even more interesting, when I came out of the Confession, my husband asked me what my penance was. I told him that it was corporal punishment. Shockingly, he believed me....and still to this day! Ha!

When is Halloween??

I went to Michael's yesterday and they have all of their Halloween stuff out already! Are you freakin' kidding me? It is June, and over 100°s out! It did not, however, stop me from buying this little cutie. (Maybe they do know what they are doing, but still...)

Red and White Makes Your Teeth Shiny and Bright! Right?

 I was at my aunt's house recently and forgot to bring toothpaste, which was no big deal, because they had some. They told me to look in the drawer of the bathroom in my room. I saw it and put it on the counter for when I was going to brush my teeth. The next time I went to brush my teeth, something did not seem right.  The toothpaste was flat and not doing its toothpaste thing, and it kinda burned. Uh oh! I quickly looked at the tube of what I thought was Colgate, and read Cortizone! Yep! I was brushing my teeth with Cortizone.  Oh my goodness! Oh my goodness! I could not spit it out fast or hard enough. Bleh! I rinsed and I rinsed and it still felt and tasted like it was still there.

How could I have made this mistake? I thought back to when I picked out the toothpaste and it had been under something, but I had seen the red and white tube and the "Co" and assumed the rest was "lgate". I took a photo of the two tubes together and they are alarmingly similar in packaging and it actually was a very easy mistake to make in this perfect storm of events. 

Scroll down to see the photo!

Student at Her Breaking Point!

My daughter was so done while filling out this assignment. It is so easy to tell. 

Who writes, " no thank you"? We may think it, but don't write it. The teacher did not even take off any points!

Here is another one:

She says that the graph shows her "breaking point". Again, no points taken off. Incredible!

Hope the Neighbors Weren't Watching!

My son likes to skateboard and longboard.  When I leave in my car, he likes me to pull him along with the car for about 500 feet and then he lets go.  I know I shouldn't do it, but we do it when no one is around and he enjoys it so much.  When I do it, I always hope no one is watching us, but picture all of the neighbors at their windows watching and thinking what a horrible mom that I am for doing this.  After he lets go, I quickly drive out of the neighborhood!

Since this story involves me, of course all does not go well.  Yesterday, I was on my way out, and he wanted to hang on.  So, unfortunately, I agreed.  Usually, when he lets go, in the rear view mirror, I see him wave and then he gets smaller and smaller.  This time, I saw him wave and then instantly his socks and shoes!  This is exactly what I was afraid of, and why I was embarrassed in front of any neighbors watching.  I stopped the car and opened the door and asked if he was ok.  I was hoping so because that was the funniest thing I had seen all week!  (I needed to be sure he was fine before I could laugh about it.) He didn't look too happy, but said he was fine (although he looked like he was about to throw up), so I told him to go home and I would call him, and I high tailed it out of the neighborhood!

I called him about 10 minutes later to find out what had happened.  Turned out he just lost his balance because his feet were not placed properly.  He said that just after he fell, he did think he was going to throw up.  I almost lost it at that point.  After how funny the fall was, if I had turned around and then seen him throwing up, I would have laughed until I cried!  (Yes, it again seems that I am a bad mom, but it was funny.)  I was able to convey to him the images that are now etched in my brain forever, and then he too laughed and found the extreme humor of the situation.  This is one situation that we both would have found throwing up to be funny.  [Obvious Disclaimer - Don't Try this in your neighborhood!]

Don't Mess with Mom!

Our male puppy loves our son and everyday cries when he isn't around.  They are brothers and love to play outside together.  I had originally gotten the dog for me and it seems like the dog likes my son better and I am the one who loves on him and takes care of him all of the time.

Well, the other day, my son wanted something from me.  When he wants something, he gets all friendly and extra nice, starts rubbing my back and playing with my hair to soften me up.  I picked up on this very quickly, so I decided to let him know how obvious he was being by reversing it on him and overdoing it by rubbing his back, playing with his hair, and telling him how great he is and how much I love him.  He got what I as doing and was laughing a lot and pushing me away.  During this, our male puppy started biting and growling at my son!  I couldn't believe it.  For some reason, he must have thought that my son was hurting or attacking me.  Good puppy!

This really bothered my son, but totally made my month!  Several times during the rest of the day, my son would walk into me and fall to the ground and then called the dog, as if I had pushed him, looking for the dog's defense against me.  He also would lift my hand and hit himself with it and call the dog.  Neither of those tactics worked.  Today, we both bumped into each other and both called the dog on the other.  He didn't come.

The moral of this story is you don't mess with mom.  Everyone will/should protect the/their mom!

Awkward Moment with Son...

One day, my son and I were talking about alcoholic drinks, as he was of drinking age, and I was telling him about me having gone to the beach a lot when I was his age, and the types of drinks I would get there. I asked him if he had ever had a Sex on the Beach shooter.  His response was, "Well, not a shooter, " then he walked away.  What the heck?!?  You can NOT just say that to your mother then walk away!  I quickly chased after him and said, "you had better say more than just that!" He chuckled and said, "Oh, we had a fishbowl of it once at a bar."  That was either a good save or an interesting truth.  (In retrospect, asking him anything about sex on the beach was not good on my part, but that was the drink I would have.)

That Was So Me!

Yesterday, I realized one of my "That was so her" moments right after it happened, and thought, "that WAS so me," and smiled.  I thought about it for a while and could think of a few others and thought I still have more to live and add to the list.  

You know people talk about others after they have passed and say, "that was so him or her"? This is what I am talking about, but I actually realized it for myself in real time. It was pretty cool.  We all need to keep living our "that is so us" moments that generate smiles and memories that make this world a better place.

What was my "That was so her" moment the other night? Well, my daughter had asked me to get her a treat and surprise her. I walked into her room with a half eaten pack of cookies and gave it to her telling her that it was her treat. She was really mad and said to forget it; I could have them all! I started laughing and I got her actual treat, a candy bar.  This was kind of a two for one thing because my joke was one of my things and also me eating half of the cookies is another thing I do. We both had a good laugh. I did not realize my "that was so me" thing until about 5 minutes after this incident. 

Big Sisters...

 This one is self explanatory.

No, You Are Not on Candid Camera.

I was at the dermatologist the other day talking about skin stuff. Not to be gross, but this detail is very important to the rest of this blog.  We were talking about a cyst and I was telling her how hard its shell was.  Now, the dermatologist was working on her computer as I was talking, much like my kids looking at their phones while I am talking, and no one ever seems to be listening to me.  Just last night, I caught my son totally not listening to me because I said the word 'gutter', which, of course, reminded him of when his bus went in one the day he went on a field trip, and then he was thinking of what field trip it was, and that is how his brain was going as I was trying to relive an event that happened while we were in Colorado. 

Ok, back to being in the dermatologist's office...I told her that the shell was so hard that a needle couldn't break through it, and I got no response from her.  So I continued talking and then said, "so I had to use a knife, a kitchen knife, a butcher knife really." Still no response from her as she looked at her computer screen.  Next, I said, "Actually, I used an axe to break through it." That did get her attention, as she very slowly turned her head my way and looked at me. I smiled and told her I was kidding. She said, "Oh, I thought I was on Candid Camera or something."

I'll Take the Uphill Path

A few days ago, my sewer backed up through my basement bathroom and, of course, the sewer alarm was not working. You might say I was having a shitty day. You know how they say shit runs downhill. Well, turns out my week started uphill. After that, things did not get much better...horrible migraine, spider bite....you get the idea.

Lesson Learned - Downhill is not always the best bath!

Periods are not like the Common Cold.

I was going out to lunch with my two daughters, and I happen to have my period. My eldest daughter said that she was going to stay away from me and not sit next to me at lunch. What? Why not? Well, she thought she could 'catch', or get, my period. We laughed, as I told to her that that was not possible. She thought she heard you could. I explained about girls living together getting on the same cycle, but not just catching it randomly while out to lunch!

What if a Ghost Actually Said 'Boo'?

Isn't it funny, when you are watching shows about paranormal investigations, how the investigators get so scared or shocked when a spirit responds to the their requests?  When paranormal teams are trying to communicate with spirits, they are like…"if you are here let us know", and then they hear a bang and they get all freaked out and say, "did you hear that?" or "Wow, what was that?" Duh, it was the confirmation you asked for. What must the spirits be thinking, but how dumb these people are.  For instance, the team asks, "if that was you who made that sound, do it again." They hear another sound and the team is shocked yet again, thinking woah, and saying "what was that? Do you think that was the spirits?" Dumba$$, isn’t that why you are here? It will continue like this:

"Is someone here?"     Bang…..(shocked) "Did you hear that?; What is your name?" ‘Bill’ ……."Woah, I heard Bill, did you hear Bill? I think it is Bill. We thought you said the name Bill. Is your name Bill?" ….At this point the spirit is rolling his eyes wondering how, that just by being invisible, it made these people start talking to him as if he were a deaf baby. Who is scaring who here? I think the investigators are scaring themselves.

Pre- TikTok - Daughter on Phone

Here is my daughter at age 8 on the pre-TikTok app called Music.ly. I just came across this video again and had to share it. I got such a kick out of it back then and again just now. She did such a good job acting and with her wardrobe!

E-I-E-I-Oh My Goodness we Missed Something!

I was recently at a restaurant with my 19 year-old son, and he was looking at the menu and asked me what veal was. I was surprised that by this age he did not know, but we had not really eaten it at home, so it made sense.  I told him that it was baby cow.  His response was quite shocking to me and made me rethink all of the schooling we had paid for him and all of my parenting to this point.  He replied, "So chicken?" What the heck?!? Does he have ears...well, ears that can hear, and if so, are they working right now? Geeze kid. 

Well after talking to him for a few minutes, I realized he was reading a part of the menu that was headed "Veal and Chicken", so that kind of made a little sense, but.... I will say that he did realize his mistake as soon as he said it, so at least there is that.

Disrespecting your Mother is a Sin!

Well, I should have figured this strategy out a long time ago. Kids these days, at least mine, do not care to hear, or about the "because I am your Mom" reason on why they need to do something or why they need to listen to me, so I had to get more creative. It took me several years to come up with one of the basics.....The 10 Commandments! We are Catholic, our kids have attended Catholic school, and we go to church, so this was a good, easy, simple string to pull on, I thought. 

I sat my son down, when he was 18, during a difficult time between the two of us and had a discussion.  I asked him to recite the 10 Commandments, obviously waiting for him to get to the Commandment of 'Honor Thy Father and Mother'. He started with, as his First Commandment, one that shocked me in many ways...The Right to Bear Arms!! Are you freaking kidding me kid?  We both had a big laugh. This was just after the Covid pandemic, so I am going to just chalk it up to that! 

Photos on Metallic Paper by Face-Plant Mom!

Thia one is more longterm entertaining and less funny, but this blog was started to get followers for my book.  Well, I finally got my business for the book going and it is called Face-Plant Mom Creations, LLC. I just opened a website with my first 'creation' of selling photos I have taken, as I am a photographer too, and they are printed on metallic paper, which gives them a pop! Absolutely unique!  During this process, I found a way to do my book's cover, which is why I stopped the book, so, the book is the next project. So, check out my photos and they can be purchased internationally!!

http://FPMCreations.instaproofs.com

(may need to cut and paste the site into your browser)

Moviestar Pup!

Swimming or Dating - They Can be Confused to be the Same, Right?

When my son was younger, he was on the swim team. Oh how I hated (I mean loved) going to those swim meets to stand out in the heat for hours to watch him swim for those amazing 26 seconds and look just like a little frog bobbing up and down, in and out of the water!

Well, years later, he went out on a "non-date" with a girl kayaking. After it got dark, I text him to see where he was because I knew he could not still be kayaking.  He joked that he was still in the middle of the water.  I told him to "Butterfly it baby!"  He joked back that he was doing the breaststroke instead. Oh, I thought, this kid is really pushing his luck with a smart comment like that.  W..e..l..l... turned out, he was only correcting me on the swimming style that he had mastered back in the day.  It was the breaststroke that he had looked like a frog and not the butterfly, so there really was no need for me to spit out my soda while laughing so hard when reading his text as I was thinking the worst of my teenage son.  To be fair, they both started with a "b". 

As an added bonus, I ended up pointing out to my son, and then later to one of my daughters, my original, not so PG, thinking mindset on the topic of what I thought he was saying.  Way to go mom!

Futuristic Doctor Visits, Pajama Wearing, Curbside Pickup, etc. Because of the Corona/Covid 19 Pandemic - The Way Life Should Always Have Been

Well, now that we are in this Corona Pandemic, things have changed in our world drastically and some of them have forced changes that I have actually wanted and been asking for for many years. I am now being treated the way I feel that I have deserved and that many movie stars have been treated for decades.  For instance, we now get curbside pickup of almost anything we order from a store, including groceries and prescriptions! What!? Yep! And if this is too much of an inconvenience for us, things will be delivered to our houses and placed on our doorsteps and we do not even need to see the people delivering them.  Love it!!! I have now been living in my pajamas for a month and a half....they way I have wanted to have been living for so long.  I am loving Jammies 2020, or 2020, the year or the Jammies (and not the year of the eyes - sorry, we may not be able to see well now, but we are comfy cozy)!

Also, doctor visits from home!!!!! I have been asking about this one from one particular doctor for a decade now, mostly because of the commute and waiting in the waiting room, but still!  Yes, I am now going to the doctors in my pajamas, and now, instead of it taking 4 hours to go to this one doctor, because I would be sitting in his waiting room for up to an hour and a half, I just spend about 20 minutes on the phone with him!!! Again LOVE IT!!!!

A Present Fur Me?

Well, I think most people have that well-intentioned relative that gives you a gift thinking you will love it, but..... you HATE it.  When I was in my early 20s, one of my great-aunts gave me one of those gifts and it was one of her fur coats.  Had this maybe been before 1940, I might have cherished it and not been able to believe my luck.  Well, the not believing my luck part was true because this was the 1990s!  Of course, every time I went to visit her, she wanted me to be wearing this fur coat. Oh great.

One time I went to visit her with my brother and my dad, and we all went out to lunch. Of course, I was sporting my fur coat.  While we were all in the car on the way to the restaurant, my brother and I were in the backseat and he kept pointing at me and the coat and making jokes and laughing at me.  Also, my aunt was practically deaf, so my dad and my brother would tease me about the coat at a low level that my aunt could not hear.  Very clever guys...

Next, we get to the restaurant, and it was all I could do to drag myself out of the car and go out into public and into the restaurant wearing this ridiculous rug.  We get into the restaurant, are seated, and wouldn't you know, that the cutest guy was our waiter. Are you freaking kidding me?  He is looking at me and smiling and seeing that behind MY chair is an ancient fur coat!  We kept looking at each other, smiling and mild flirting throughout the meal and I was hoping, just hoping, to get out of there with just a small percentage of my dignity.  Nope. That was not about to happen.  I wanted to time our exit while he was "in the back". Just as he was saying his thank you for the tip and about to leave, my aunt asked him if he would be so kind as to take a photo of us, with, you guessed it....me wearing my fur coat! I could have died right there on the spot, but lived long enough to write this story.  I would provide the photo, but am not able to find it because I probably destroyed it.  I do have a photo of before lunch with no fur coat in sight!

She Doesn't Know How....

Backstory on this is that this was a little bit that some kids did in my class when we were in the 3rd or 4th grade and I taught it to my kids.

Driving Through the City.....

Well, as I was stopped at a light, a kid came over to me with a sign on a piece of cardboard that read:

Homeless, Need Money For Food

I, in turn and well-prepared, showed him my cardboard sign that read:

Mother of 3, Need Money for Gas, Food, and More

He got really mad.  What? I thought we were sharing stuff about ourselves.

Seriously, now, it may seem callous of me, but I had seen this guy several times before and he was wearing a decent outfit with nice sneakers and had a backpack.  Between lights, I had even seen him smoking a cigarette and laughing with two of his friends.  When the light changed, he turned with a sad look and pulled out his infamous sign, so NO, I was not buying the act, at least not from this guy!

Granny Puppy

In this first photo, our pup is looking at my daughter like, "I can not believe you are doing this to me," as she is wearing her coat backwards and on her head.

Now in this photo, she is also sporting glasses to make her look like a granny.  What a sport!

Singing Fish

My daughter made herself into a singing fish via this video. Take a look!

Dogged Days of Summer

One day I was home alone with our two puppies for the day.  Oh what a day it was!  When I woke up and went to take them out for the first time, I was just in my nightshirt, and after about 15 minutes or so, two police men came into the backyard.  I had forgotten to turn off the house alarm!  Oh great! You can not hear the alarm on the outside of the house either.  Boy is that not a deterrent for burglars BEFORE they enter your house.

The next time they had to go out to the bathroom, I was still in my nightshirt and I took them to get the mail.  Halfway back, I heard my neighbor yell, "he's out! he's out!" I took that to mean that one of her dogs was out.  Yep! Her new, male puppy, twice the size of my dogs was right at us and he was in a biting match with my male dog.  I was quickly figuring out my loyalty to the mail and my phone.  The mail was quickly thrown down and the phone followed shortly thereafter.  With a quick one scoop, I grabbed my dogs and had both of them in one hand, and was holding them above my head.  My dogs were barking their heads off above my head as if to say, "If she didn't have us up here, we'd be kicking your a$$," as they did running starts followed by push-offs off the top of my head. (Really guys?)  I finally made it to the top of our deck stairs and to the sliding glass door where I opened it a sliver and tossed the dogs in.  With only the glass between them and the neighbor's dog, they were barking, as if to say, "If this glass weren't here, we would be all up in your face, and ...another thing....get off of our property or else!" Just then,  my neighbor made it up the deck stairs out of breath.  Are you kidding me?  You are out of breath?  I was SO out of breath, I could not even speak.  I put one finger up to let her know to give me a minute to catch my breath before I could introduce myself (as we had never met). Once we could both breathe again, we had some laughs and they fixed their fence.

One would have thought that this would have been enough for one day, but oh no, those dogs' bladders still filled meaning that they needed to go out yet again.  I took our female dog out just before dusk and ran her by throwing the ball back and forth.  Obviously, this is off leash. Well, she saw a bunny. Need I say more? Yes, she chased the bunny right into the wood and got herself caught in a little pricker cage.  I had to go back to the house to get a flashlight and some clippers, which upset her and she barked and cried the whole time.  (She is a very verbal dog.)  Still in my nightshirt, I went back down in what can only be described now as the dark and found her about 7 feet deep in the woods, in an all pricker bush type area, of course. My legs were getting all scratched up and I freed her and kind of tossed her over to an area where she could walk out from there, but noooo, she won't do a thing unless I carried the little pain out like a princess!

...and that was my day, dear. How was yours? 

Jesus Christ....

                              .....look at the time!

Love this one.

God Works in Mysterious Ways - How Beautiful!

Woke up one morning and saw this outside my bedroom window...
 

                                                                 

Leap Frog or Leap Sister?

Done in slow motion for a reason.  Keep an eye on the right side of the screen.  You might want to click the full screen box at the bottom right corner to get the full effect!

Best Thing to Ever Happen??

Ok, here is a clip from a TV commercial. Does anyone pay attention to what is being said BEFORE it airs? This guy first talks about bringing his baby girl home from the hospital and how that changed his life.  Then he talks about quitting smoking with this product and how great the product is and how it is the best thing that has ever happened to him.  WHAT ABOUT THE BIRTH OF HIS DAUGHTER?????

What is Worse than Death?

Can you believe that no one in the process of making this commercial realized that saying "dies, or even worse, they hurt others" was being said in reverse?

Spell-Check is Worth 1,000 Dollars!

Now some (the company) may consider this as free advertising, OR, you could consider it as a warning... as you can clearly see that they are offering tutoring in ENGLISH and math, and helping people get ready and better prepared to take the SAT, etc., yet they, themselves, are unable to spell the word guaranteed correctly on their poster for their class. Yes, they, and the company who made the sign, actually put the words together, printed it, checked it, and posted the sign on the street corner. Never during this process did anyone catch that word, and if so, figured that it would be bad publicity for the teaching of English, of all subjects!

Nap Like You Mean It! Part 2



 

This is one adorable pup as she sleeps!!!

 

 

 

 

 

A Husband's Dilemma....

Here is my husband in an obvious predicament.  He is clearly torn between watching TV and fixing something around the house, as he practically has death grips on a remote control and a tool, each in separate hands.  It seems, however, that sleep has won in the end!

 

Like Father, Like Son.....or.......Like Ape?

I like to do what I call 'Flip Sides' where I have photos in vinyl sleeves with one photo on one side and another on the other side.  They usually show things like how history repeats itself and how granddaughters at age 3 can look identical to their grandmothers at age 3, decades later. Really neat.  Well, I decided to share one of my trilogy flip sides here.  The first is of my husband holding on while he sleeps.

The next one is of our son, sleeping in the next room in his cradle.  Talk about like father, like son!

Many years later, we went to Disney's Animal Kingdom and I found a better flip side for my husband's photo.  I love this one!  It always make me laugh when I think of it!

Yep, it is of an ape, holding on as he sleeps! Love it!

Dog and Cat No Nos....

When visiting the vet recently, we picked up these cards which list things that are dangerous for cats and dogs and should not be fed to them.  We only have dogs, but I found some of the items listed on the cats' list quite interesting and wondered, first, why they were there, and secondly, why they were not on the dogs' list.

For instance, the first item on the cats' list is rat poison.  So, do NOT give cats rat poison.  Got it!  Who does not already know this?!  Are you kidding me?  This is an item that actually needs to be put on a list, printed out, laminated, and handed out to cat lovers so that they know NOT to feed their feline friends rat poison?  You will note that it is not on the dogs' list.  Does this mean that dog lovers are smarter and already know not to give rat poison to dogs, or that rat poison is ok to give to dogs?  Yes, it means that we already know that rat poison is not ok to give to our canines.

The third item on the cats' list is marijuana.  Cats are allowed their cat nip, but not pot!  Again, this too is not on the dogs' list.  Also, it does seem a bit unfair that there is no dog nip.  So, I think I will head out back and smoke a doobie with Fido! It is allowed, according to 'the list', and it is evening the score!  Sorry Frisky! 

Father!!!!!

I have to set this one up.  This is a very short video that you may have to watch a few times to get the entire idea of what is going on.  My daughter is in the backseat of the car singing to herself. I know.  Who does that?  Kids these days.  I can tell you that no one wants to hear me sing along with a song, let alone all by myself, and then video it to boot!  Anyway, as she is singing, as her mother, I am first wondering if she brushed her teeth.  Again, not part of this blog.  As she is singing, her father is driving and says something that obviously shocks her.  Listen to him and watch her facial expressions as she realizes what he is saying!

Let's Play Ball!

Watch how the ball travels....starting with a flip, and ending with the lifeguard!

The Opposite of a Compliment...

My youngest daughter likes us to wave to her when she is on the bus on her way to school in the morning.  Since our street is a dead-end street, she wants us to wait and wave a second time when the bus has gone up the street, turned around, and passes by us again.  

This one particular morning, as the bus was approaching our driveway, my daughter ran to the end of the driveway shouting, "You don't have to wave today!!!". I could see the side of my son's face as he was walking away and I could tell he was smiling really big.  I was thinking, "Ok, that was pretty funny, but why was I so dis'ed by my daughter?"

I went inside and then looked into the mirror and then thought," Oh, I get it now.". My hair was up in a clip; I was wearing my glasses, as I hadn't put my contacts in yet; and I was in my pajamas.  The last part wasn't so bad, but my night shirt read "I Look Best Undressed".  I don't.  What the heck is Victoria Secret doing to me with these shirts?

Inappropriate? Probably, but coincidentally, well-timed.

I recently attended a family funeral with two of my children, my son and my youngest daughter.  Their great-grandfather had made it to almost a century, at 96+ years old!  After the ceremony and burial, we all went to a restaurant for a very nice lunch with cloth napkins and all.  My daughter had gotten up to use the restroom and my son and I were just talking at the booth we were sitting in.  At one point, after some squirming around and a strange look from him, I mentioned that we had been sitting there so long that my skirt
(which was obviously black) had about worked its way to resting at about just around my waist.  About a minute later, my daughter returned from the bathroom (as if on cue) and picked up one of the black, cloth napkins and said to me, "Here is your skirt!"  My son's eyes about popped out of his head believing for a minute that it really was my skirt.  I was also shocked that she had said that based on what I had just said.  It was such a coincident that she even came up with that on her own! We had a good laugh even though it was a sad day.

Naughty or Nice?

Around 11:00 one Friday night, I needed to get gas and my teenage son wanted to come with me.  I was in my pajamas and decided not to change because I was just getting gas at the pump.  My pajamas consist of a Victoria Secret nightshirt with leggings.  Once we got there, I got the gas all set up and then my son decided he wanted to get something from Highs, which is the convenient store associated with the gas station.  Neither of us had cash, so I needed to go inside so he could use my credit card.  I had noticed that this particular Highs had just recently put in two tables, and tonight a group of men were seated at each.  Great.  As I reluctantly walked across the parking lot towards the Highs, my son said to me, "You might want to put a jacket on over your shirt."  A million reasons of why he might be saying that ran through my head immediately, except for the real reason.  I asked him why.  He said, "Read your shirt." It said, "I do Naughty Nicely".   I thought, "Of course it does." Then he said, "I thought about waiting until we got into the store and then saying, 'Nice Shirt!' to you from across the store."  (This was one of those good mom moments where you know you did something right along the way and it came back to you in a positive way!)

A Sparkling Smile!

One day, my husband was rushing to get ready for church, as he was always running late.  He always got very dressed up when he went to church each Sunday, and usually wore a suit.  This was also during a time that he was practically addicted to Chapstick.  (He has since graduated from my Chapsticks Anonymous.)
 
Anyway, during his haste, he quickly grabbed some Chapstick and put a fairly thick layer on and was ready to run out the door.  I noticed that he had just grabbed one of our daughter's glitter Chapsticks!  I will say he looked very funny all dressed up in a suit with the glitter Chapstick on.  As he was rushing out of the door, I called him back to tell him of his blunder, but he was very annoyed with me because he was running so late.  This annoying attitude almost made me let him leave with the colorful, sparkly Chapstick on, but in the end, I just couldn't.  Boy, he was lucky that day...
 

Husband Not Working on His To-Do List!

 

Looks like someone is sleeping on the job.  He made it to the cleaning supplies, but did not quite make it to the bathroom he was supposed to clean.  Who the heck can fall asleep like that on the cold, kitchen floor tile?  He brought a pillow, so obviously this was a choice he made to fall asleep there.  

He Ain't Toothless, He's My Brother!

One day, when I was about 11, I had, what I thought was a great idea for something to do one afternoon.  I had made up a game to play and told my 6-year old brother about it and he thought it sounded like fun too, so we played it.  It was called ‘Try to Throw Marbles in the Other’s Mouth’. 

Of course, being the nice, big sister that I was, I said that I wanted to go first.  On my first shot, I got the marble right into his mouth!  Yeah for me!  I also knocked out one of his teeth and both of them went down his throat choking him.  I told him to stop doing that (choking) because if our mom had seen him, she was going to get mad at me. 

Well, he finally got both of them back up, and before my mom saw him doing all of that awful choking thing. Thank goodness, and I didn’t get into any trouble.  After he got all better.  He said eagerly, “My turn!”  I replied, “I don’t want to play that game anymore.”  He was pretty upset that he didn’t get his turn.  I wonder why?

Adorable Girl Tells Her Divorced Parents to be Friends....Priceless and So Precious!!!

I bet this little lady will be a great public speaker some day.......maybe even tomorrow!

Nuns Tailgating!

(Above Photo - Courtesy of CBS News; Below Photo - Courtesy of The Washingtonian)

Ironically, these are the nuns from the high school I attended tailgating at the college that I attended.  Pretty cool, huh?  I don't remember this type of field trip when I was in high school.  To be fair, the Pope wasn't in town then.

A, B, C, ...F....U....

As parents, we want the best for our kids and when they are little, we get them teaching toys to help teach them things they will need to know.  One such toy is one that teaches them the alphabet by pushing a button it says the letter, and some have settings that also say the sounds of the letters.  Anyway, we had this toy.

One day, I had dropped off my kids at my aunt's house and this toy was lodged under my car seat.  As I drove, and as my life would have it, this toy was pinned under the seat at two points and it kept repeating, "F-U...F-F-U...F-U...F-F-U...", and so on.   I thought I could make it all the way home before getting the toy out, but I couldn't even make it 2 miles.  I had to pull over before I started screaming "F-U" to this children's toy! What were the odds of that happening?  The odds of that happening to me....100%.

Saber-Toothed Dog!?!

Perhaps a new breed to match the extinct feline version....

Ain't That a Kick in the Head?

Years ago, when our first daughter was only 2 years old, we were in the back yard of our new house, and there was a kickball on the lawn.  She was walking a ways in front of me while I playfully kicked the ball.  Well, one of the kicks hit her right in the back of the head causing her to go airborne and then land right on her face in a face-plant. 

I couldn’t believe that little kick of the ball had done all of that.  I certainly did not mean to do that at all, but it was pretty darn funny!  She did not see the humor in it at all.  I figured it was just getting her back for some-thing she had done or something she was going to do!

Homework Bloopers!

Blooper #1

My son was doing homework in 5th grade and in Social Studies, one of his questions was: Who founded Hartford Connecticut?  Well, he tended to be a bit lazy when doing his homework and not read everything completely.  His answer was - Many Hookers!  While that may partly be true, the real answer is Thomas Hooker.  I looked through the chapter and saw where he got his answer.  One of the paragraphs began, "Many of Hooker's...". He didn't even copy that completely right!

 

Blooper #2

In 6th grade, my son was preparing a presentation about the NFL investing in new technology in their stadiums to keep the fans coming to the stadiums rather than staying at home to watch the games.  Below is a photo I took of his paper before I had him change it.

 

The part that I have noted is: There is free wife so fans can access their fantasy...

 

That kid better thank his lucky stars that his mother looks at his homework from time to time!

 

Blooper #3

In 7th grade, I was helping my son study for a science test.  He had to list and describe characteristics that living things have in common.  One of the characteristics is that they reproduce.  I asked him to provide further detail on that.  He said that it means that they go to the bathroom.  I was jokingly beginning to wondering if I should have done that instead of reproduce with him!

 

One of My "Oops There it is Moments"...

Recently, I had purchased a new sports bra, one with a zipper in the front, because it seemed easier to get into.  The other day, I was shopping and went to the register as I had a million times before.  While I was waiting for the guy to finish checking me out, I must have leaned into the small credit card counter, the area where you sign for your credit cards, and all of a sudden - pop!  My bra completely unzipped and, in a split second, everything burst out!  Well, thankfully nothing came out of my shirt, but it was a startling moment that made me jump suddenly with a shocking look on my face.  The cashier looked over and noticed something happened, but I don't think he knew quite what.   I was mortified.  Somehow I had to make it back to my car with all of the things I had just purchased in the state I was in.  It was quite awkward, but I made it.  It was probably worst in my head, buy seriously?  What the heck?  Why do things like this always happen to me?

Spray Tans - They are Not for the Fair of Skin!

My 20th High School Reunion was coming up.  Of course we all want to look good at these things.  I have fair skin and decided to get my first spray tan for the event.  I called and they said that it took about 8 hours for the spray tan to 'take', so I set up my appointment for 8 hours before the big event.  About 6 hours after the spray tan, I didn't notice anything.  I called the tanning salon and they said that within the next two hours, it would 'show up'.  While I was waiting for that magic to happen, I got dressed and my husband and I headed for the reunion. 

On the drive there, I complained to him about the cost of the invisible tan that I was sporting, and how, of all of the skin types, something should have shown up on mine.  As I was putting on the final touches to my outfit and putting on my shoes, I noticed that the bottom of my feet were a bright orange color!  What the heck?!?  Was that it or was that the start?  I told my husband that if I started to turn orange during this event to let me know immediately and we were going to leave instantly.  As if high school isn't bad enough back in the day, huh?  Instead of coming back to show everyone how not awkward you are and how you got your braces removed, etc., I could show back up as an umpa lumpa!

Turned out we stayed the whole time and no one saw the bottom of my feet.  Whew!  I went back to the place and they tried 2 more times and again.....nothing. I guess spray tanning is just not for me and I am not that into orange feet.

Ahh Shad Up! (Looney Tunes Character Wannabe)

....and keep shadding up!!

(for all of us who watched Looney Tunes!)

Kind of Like MacGyver, but Not!

When you are younger, usually up into your 20s, you don't mind having many inconveniences such as sleeping on the floor at the beach, camping, having cars break down because your vehicle is either old or not well kept, etc.  A lot of the reason you don't mind these inconveniences is because you are usually with your boyfriend/girlfriend or a group of friends, and you make it into an adventure.  Also, you generally have more time and less money, which cause you to come up with unique ways to deal with such situations, therefore, just putting a Band-Aid on the issue or problem.

Several such situations that I recall doing when I was younger, but refuse to do or feel as if I am beyond that point now, are sleeping on the floor of a beach house, camping anywhere (my own backyard, the beach, etc.).  Some specific situations include the following:

• I remember breaking down in a car during a snow storm one night and we ended up walking home.  That was fun and romantic.... back then.  Now, I would be pissed and probably give a lengthy lecture on how someone else doesn't take care of their car. 
• Also, a truck overheated when we were driving home from the beach and we ended up getting home by putting the heat on high. We thought we were so cool (no pun intended here, especially since it was 90 degrees out and we had the heat on) to have come up with such a creative idea. 
• Finally, and I am happy to say that this idea was not mine. One New Year's Eve, I was picked up by some friends for a New Year's Eve party in an old, white van.  It was raining and the windshield wipers were not working, so they (guys obviously) had attached a rope to each one, and inside, we pulled the wipers back and forth manually!  It is quite an interesting story now, but I have zero tolerance for this kind of stuff in my life now. I am reluctant to admit that this idea did kind of work.

Now that I am 'all grown up', I don't have any time for extra incidents like those above.  I about lose my mind when I hear that my husband runs out of gas and has no back up, and this happens to him many many times to this day.  Who does that now? Better yet, who is so dumb that they don't get it the first time and make sure that it doesn't happen again?  He still lives like he is in his 20s and expects his family to be ok with circumstances like that. (Just a small vent here on my part.)

One example of him imposing his circumstance tolerance on  his family, or just being lazy, is when my windshield wiper motor had broken and been very sporadic for about 3 months, and my husband said he would "take care of it".  Needless to say, on a 3-hour trip last fall, it started to rain and he had not fixed the motor.  (Thanks a lot DA!)  I thought I had put some Rain-X in the trunk a few months back just in case a situation like this arose.  I pulled over and took everything out of the trunk and couldn't find it.  I called my husband, who had stayed at home, and told him what was going on.  He told me to "go find a Track Auto and.....".  I am on a highway, in the rain, in a different state, and this is what I hear?  A click, is what he heard as I hung up on him!  After I had heard him say to "go find a Track Auto", I didn't care what else he had to say!

I did end up finding the Rain-X in my trunk (I rock!), and later got the motor fixed....
 

They Say Snake Eyes Hypnotize...What Else Does?

I think that in many ways, the male species (at least of many mammals such as dogs, humans, and other pets - yes, I am aware of the order there....) is very simple.  That is why we often joke about guys seeing a shiny object and totally forgetting what they were supposed to be doing. 

I have found that with boys and men, one way to put them into a near hypnotic state, almost like the shiny object and the myth of snake eyes. No matter what they are doing, if you start to scratch their backs with your nails, they just about forget everything around them.  They usually will close their eyes and enjoy the moment.  That is when you ask them for something you want!  (just kidding)

The same just about holds true for dogs, just the male dogs, according to my findings.  (I am sure that some female dogs like it too.)  Instead of scratching their backs, if you massage or scratch behind their ears, they too will close their eyes and enjoy the moment. 

Boy, would it be easy to take over Mars!

Nap Like You Mean It!

 

Same pup, different sleeping angle - scroll to first post below (Napping Dog or....)!

 



Don't Drink and Drive!

One day, when my oldest daughter was about 4, she was playing inside some clothes racks with her brother while I was shopping.  About 20 minutes after we had arrived, my daughter pops out of the clothes and shouts, “Mommy, you know you shouldn’t drink and drive!?”  What the he!!?  Two seconds ago, I was a regular mom.  Now, several people in the near vicinity were looking right at me with looks of judgment on their faces.  I was mortified, to say the least.  She kept repeating it and I swear she got louder and louder as she went on.  I was trying to tell her that it was ok to drink water and soda while driving.  If anyone was listening to my explanation, they were probably thinking that that is exactly what an alcoholic would say.

The last time she said, or should I say shouted, it, I quickly joined my son inside the clothes rack, while grabbing my daughter down and inside with me.  I was trying to figure out how the heck to get out of that store without someone calling social services.  Yes, kids say the darnedest things! 

Catch!

Lightning Speed!

Something that I have noticed is that many of our providers seem to throw new charges on our bills each month to see which ones will 'stick'.  I am convinced that this is how these companies make most of their money.  It is often random and with unique titles.  I would love the opportunity to have one line on one of these bills one month to make up a service fee and then retire on what it brings in.

The greatest offender of this is Comcast.  I have had to call every month for about 18 months to get the bills straight, and they still aren't.  One of the charges that I refuse to pay is for their Blast.  I asked what this was for.  They told me it was for faster internet speed.  I asked why we had to pay for fast internet speed if they were our internet provider and why would slow internet speed be the base internet that they provided.  Wouldn't they want to just provide the fastest that they could to everyone?  Our electric company doesn't provide us low electricity, thus dull lights, and then charge us more if we want the full charge. 

Boy Makes Basket with Football!

 

This is my son making a basket with his football from the end of our driveway, about 75 feet away. He was in 5th grade at the time.

Being a Good Big Sister!

I have a younger brother by 5 years and when we were growing up, I took it upon myself to teach him a few things.  Of course, I used my own effective techniques, but they seemed to work!  The following are lessons that I taught him and how I went about it:

• I had to establish that I was the one in charge - so I would sit on him and tickle him a lot.  (He often forgot and needed to be reminded.)
• Don't dawdle when eating your ice ream - I would either finish my ice cream cone quickly so I could have his or slowly so that when he was done I would eat mine in a slow, gloating manner showing that I still had some and he didn’t.  Anyone else in my shoes would have done the same, right? 
• Don't follow me around - If you do, expect me to take my gum out of my mouth and put it on top of your head, in your hair, later needing it to be cut out causing you to look like a peacock until your hair grew back. 
• Do your chores before Mom gets home - I will also chase you out of the house causing you to trip and break your arm. 

See what a good big sister I was?